Roaring Lion came back a purring cat.

I attended a seminar hosted by my employers at the Ramada/ Residence in Powai. My first one with K Line.

I had gone there a smouldering volcano. Because ever since I joined the KLSM, there has been nothing going the way I wanted it to. The way I EXPECTED it to. I missed Aanya's birth. My promotion got delayed for no fault of mine. I had to fight to get off. I got put up in hotels I complained about. Twice over.

I had heard from people how you got to talk at seminars. And people I sailed with concurred with the hotel accomodations, the delays in signoff......and they said how there seemed to be no planning on releifs. how no messages were sent regarding releifs.... and i genuiley thought I would bring all that up in the seminar. I wanted to.

We had two days of people talking to us. I did end up with more knowledge than I came in. But I think there were too many presentations over two days. And in the end you lost the gist of most of them except those that really did pack a punch. Capt Goyal who was moderating had to cut short questions so they could keep upto schedule. It would have been better had there been fewer presentations and more time for interactive sessions. That way the views of the sea going staff would be heard better. Now it is just the seafarers listening and the office talking.

And after two long days came the Open forum. Silence for a few minutes.There were no responses to Capt Goyal's call for questions. And then I stretched my hand out for the mike. My heart started going dhud dhud. loud enough for me to hear it. I stood up, introduced myself and talked about how my promotion got delayed because the office lost my evaluation report. I think the point was pertinent because it could happen to anyone. And that is what I wanted to bring across so it doesnt happen again. But sadly I think I painted a very selfish picture talking about how things went wrong with me.

But then for the rest of the open forum there was not much I spoke. I was feeling very little. humbled. I started introspecting. how silly was my behaviour. I always knew I am very emotional and thoughts never went into my words. It always burst out. But somehow when I spoke in front of my fellow professionals, I felt I had let a lot of guys down to bring home something selfish.

I felt humbled by the whole experience. Seniors telling me sorry for what had happened with me. I almost felt I should not have brought it up. I hope I learn something from what happened there. And am not what Prem claims Brian called me- " a psycho chief officer"!